


bisexual disaster

by fmylife42



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Don't say I didn't warn you, F/M, M/M, Post-Serum Steve Rogers, Pre-Serum Steve Rogers, Steve Rogers Needs a Hug, endgame spoilers, for real don't read if you havn't seen the movie, steve rogers being a bisexual disaster
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-27
Updated: 2019-04-27
Packaged: 2020-02-08 12:28:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,065
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18623311
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fmylife42/pseuds/fmylife42
Summary: steve's most important romantic relationships over his lifef and how each of them affected him.(be warned, endgame spoilers!)





	1. Bucky

**Author's Note:**

  * For [all my fella depressed stucky shippers](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=all+my+fella+depressed+stucky+shippers).



> i just find a way accept steve's ending and move on and hopefully this will help you too :)

I met Bucky when I was five years old, he was the first friend I ever had and for a long time he was the only friend I had. 

Bucky was the first one to believe in me, the first to follow me, he was the first person who looked passed my physical appearance and actually got to know me, the real me.

For years I wondered why the hell he stayed, why didn't he leave me when I got him into fights over stupid things? Why didn't he give up on me when I got sick for the hundredth time? Why didn't run for his life when he got bullied at school just for hanging out with me? Why did he keep fighting for me and believing in me even when I gave up on myself?

He had to be crazy. He couldn't be real, as a kid I used to believe Bucky was an angel, that god sent me an angel from heaven to protect me and be my friend, there was no other explanation.

Most of all, the question I never stop asking myself is WHY IN THE LIVING HELL did he not throw me to the gutter after I kissed him?!

I didn't mean to, I really didn't I was drunk, I was a teenager, I wasn't thinking, I didn't even realize what was happening until it was too late. But the crazy part was after I kissed him… he kissed me back! 

It was the most unforgettable five seconds of my life, I never felt as happy as much as I did at that moment, but then reality came slapping me in the face, and the kiss was over, and the moment passed , and I wasn't a fag, I AM NOT A FAG, I couldn't let this happen, I couldn't look at another man that way.

We never talked about that night, not for years later, not before we joined the army not before he fell from that train and I thought I lost my best friend forever, not until 2017.

We were in Wakanda Bucky was getting better, he had a small hut in a quiet area he was finally free to live his life in peace.

I came to visit him that day, I wasn't supposed to stay for long, there was still work to be done.

He was showing me around, Wakanda was breath taking and Bucky seemed to love it, he was treated well in here, they were kind to him. we sat on the grass and he told me all about his time here, about Tachalla and Shuri about his gouts, he seemed better, he seemed calm up until I had to open my stupid mouth

"do remember that night when we were sixteen? We got really drunk, we were sitting next to the Hudson river, it was late, my mom was really sick we thought she wouldn't make it, you remember what you told me?"

"no matter what happens I got your back, for as long as I'm alive, you will always have a family" Bucky immediately answered.

"that's right… do you remember what happened after that?"

"and then you kissed me… and I didn't stop you"

There was silence between us for a moment when we locked eyes, that sixteen year old stupid boy from Brooklyn took over me, I leaned in and kissed him.

I kissed him, but he didn't kiss me back, he tried to, I felt it but he couldn't after a few moments he turned he head away from me, that moment… I won't lie, it broke my heart.

"Steve..." he whispered "I'm sorry…"

He got up from the grass 

"it's okay" I lied "it's my fault I shouldn't have kissed you like that"

I got up as well to meet his gaze, when he finally looked at me, he seemed broken

"Steve that Bucky you grew up with, that Bucky you loved… he's not me… he never will be…"

"I know you're right, look, I'm not the same Steve you knew back then either, we both changed, we can't go back to those days, but if you need time, I'm willing to wait, for as long as it takes"

"no Steve, don't, I don't want you to wait for me, I'm grateful for everything you did for me, I really am but after everything that's happened and everything I've been through, I don't think I can be with you… ever"

And that's the story of how Bucky Barnes was the first man I have ever loved and how he broke my heart to a million pieces.


	2. Peggy

Back in the forties, women were treated horribly and I always hated that, it seemed as if a woman couldn't do anything with her life without a man taking care of her,

That wasn't the case with Peggy Carter. 

Peggy was the strongest woman I have ever met, she took men's insults and shoved them up their butt, she didn't let any one treat her as lesser than them, even if it meant fighting an unbeatable battle over and over again, that was the first reason I fell for her.

The second reason, she never talked down to me, always respected me even before the serum, she knew what it was like to be treated like shit because of your appearance, for the first time in my life I felt understood, I was grateful for that.

She taught me almost everything I know about fighting, a huge army camp full of men and the best fighter was no other than a woman. 

She knew what I was capable of, even if I didn't.

She inspired me, she made me brave, she made me strong, she somehow managed to love and support me without losing one ounce of dignity. That's a woman.

I kept a picture of her in my campus, to remind myself to be strong, to be brave, to be half the man she believes I can be, (and to this day I still look at it whenever I need a push.) 

And then I crashed and I was stuck in the ice for 70 year… and I lost her…

That's the story of how I fell in love for the second time in my life and lost the love of my life all over again 

So when I had the chance to start over, when I knew Tony and Natasha are gone and that Bucky will never want to be with me the way I want him, I couldn't get back, I couldn't live with that pain, I'll admit it was weak of me, it was selfish I know… but it was my last chance for a family, finally a chance to bring back the clock, to get the happy ending I never thought I wanted until I had the chance to have it… so I stayed.


	3. Tony

After I got out of the ice, the avengers were all the family I had left, we learned to love and accept each other even though we were all very different, especially me and tony

we were opposites.

If he was ying I was yang, if he was the light, I was the dark, if he was the sun, I was the moon, but somehow, we completed each other, we were a good team.

We didn't always agree, sometimes we didn't really get along but somehow, we became friends when we didn't even notice. 

I found myself hanging out with him just because, or joking around with him, and even ask him for advice every now and then. 

He was a genius, I admired him for that, every time I talked to him, I learned something new, he tried to teach me sometimes, whether it was rocket science or the most trending memes, I loved to listen. 

Back in 2015 we were all living together, it was one of the best years of my life I have to admit, it really felt like I finally had a family, the avengers gave me that, Tony gave me that and I was grateful. 

One night we got back from a failed mission, I was upset, but not as much as Tony, first thing he did when we got home was pore himself a drink, and then another and another... 

Everyone was pretty down and called it a day except for me, and Tony. 

I poured myself a drink of my own, one of the strong stuff Thor brought from Asgard, I joined tony and we got to talking.

I never had such an open conversation with Tony before. I found out he and Pepper were having some issues at the time, apparently the whole "avenging" we've been doing, kind of left Pepper alone, I couldn't blame her. 

It was tough on tony, I could tell, he acts likes he doesn't give a shit about anything but deep down he's all fluffy and needy for love, we're alike at that. 

Somehow the deep conversation, turned into dancing and singing and jumping on Tony's bed as the night went on, and the dancing and singing turned and into flirting and the flirting turned into kissing and well… you can guess the rest…

And then came the morning I woke up naked on Tony's bed with him sound asleep beside me, I remembered last night, and frankly, it was amazing, rough and gentle at the same time, I was stressed and overwhelmed that day and so was he, maybe we both needed that. 

He woke about a few seconds after I did, he wasn't very surprised when he tuned to look at me with his tired hangover eyes.

"umm did we…?" he pointed his finger at the two of us.

"seems like we did" I answered 

"well, it's good thing to know that I am so irresistible, that I can get even the star-spangled America's innocent golden boy into my bed"

We laughed, but at the same second his face turned to panic.

"oh, shit Pepper!" he screamed as he got up and started getting dressed. 

"I gotta go talk to her I have to fix this, I can't believe I did this to her"

The realization hit me at that moment "oh my god Tony I'm so sorry"

"no don't be, it's my fault, I'm the one who can't keep it in his pants whenever I'm a little lonely" 

I got up and started getting dressed as well "let me come with you, I'll tell her it was nothing and that it will never happen"  
"was it?" tony suddenly froze where he stood.

"what?"

"was it nothing?" he didn't seem offended, he seemed scared and confused.

"I don't know… I mean it has to be right?"

"yes, yeah, you're right" he continued getting ready "I love Pepper, she's my soulmate and I'm going to do anything to make this relationship work"

"you really love her, do you?" I asked calmly 

"yeah" our eyes met from across the room "I really do"

"then don't let her go, if you really think you found the love of your life, don't let anything stand in your way" 

We found Pepper and explained everything, and then I gave them some privacy. It was hard but tony took my advice, he didn't let go.

In a weird way that night brought us closer, which is why a year later when tony and I had the fall out, it was so hard on me, I wasn't sorry, I did what I had to do, I protected my best friend, he left me no choice, but it didn't make it any easier.

After Thanos, after everything that happened, everything we lost, our argument didn't seem to matter that much anymore. 

Tony got better, he got married, he had a beautiful child, he finally got his finally got his happy ending, and I was happy for him, I really was, no matter how much it hurt watching him get what I knew I lost a long time ago. 

What I asked him to do, the thing I asked him to sacrifice, it was cruel, it my fault that he died, it was my fault Morgan had to grow up without a father, it was my fault earth's best defender and one of my closest friends was gone. 

And that's the story about my greatest regret.

**Author's Note:**

> please let me know what you thought, and also share your thoughts about endgame.


End file.
